Dazed and Confused

Here it is two and a half years since my last entry and a lot of things have changed - some things for the better some not.

One of the things that has not changed for the better is my weight. Those who know me know that I've struggled all my life with being overweight. From the time I was in high school I settled into a high range in the 220s and then would starve myself down to the 170s.

In 1998 I topped out at 230 pounds and found a medication I was on had a major side-effect of weight gain. I dropped the med and started the Low-Carb Way Of Eating (WOE) and eventually got myself down to a stable 155-160.

Over the intervening 9 years I would sometimes "slip" and bounce up to 165 and once even 171 but I would always get back on track and get back into my "comfort zone."

This last winter, however was difficult. Usually in winter I shed pounds from summer's long riding and lack of WOE diligence but this year lack of activity and depression caused a major weight gain. By this spring I was bouncing between 165 and 170. The really disturbing part of this is that summer is typically when I gain a few pounds.

Now here it is almost the start of September and when I stepped on the scale this morning I had to maneuver around to keep it under 180!! I had come to accept earlier this year that with the cycling and weightlifting that my new "stable" weight would be 165. I still looked trim but looked like I had some muscle but 180 is completely unacceptable! The shorts I bought this spring are uncomfortable and the "loose" shorts I bought in July are getting tight. I have no hope of getting into my regular jeans now. Guess it's back to the fat pants :(.

At this point I'm very confused. When I've been tracking my food I've been around 50g carbs/day and usually in the neighborhood of 200 to 500 kcal/day deficit. I'm riding a minimum of 100 miles/week, sometimes up to 200/week. I don't understand what else I need to do.

I'm very depressed about the situation and more than a little panicked. I can't -- WON'T -- go above 180 lbs.

I have 4 months - 16 weeks - from September 1 to January 1. I will see 165 on January 1st.